I find older women attractive

We met in March at a social gathering organised by an online international network. We had a spirited debate about poverty and the economic system.We whiled away several hours in passionate argument.However, that was it. We did not exchange phone numbers and did not meet again for months.

When I signed up for another event, she sent me an email saying it would be nice to meet again. I was impressed by her initiative and confidence and sought her out. This time, I really noticed her and she noticed me. Or perhaps she noticed me noticing her. It seems embarrassing now, but I think I barely left her side all night. She noticed that, too. Anyway, we again parted without swapping numbers (I wonder now if I was meant to have taken the lead).

However, the next day, during my designated thinking time (walking my golden retriever), I decided to ask her out using the Meetup email. And the rest is history, or will be.

I am not looking for someone to look up to. I am quite forceful and independent and, in a way, that is what I am looking for in a woman. I can’t speak for my girlfriend, but she might say she is with me because I challenge her. I don’t feel she is that much older and that may be due to the ages we are at the moment. She is fit and very physically active. Maybe when we are older it will seem like more of a gap.

Society seems pre-programmed to find relationships between older men and younger women acceptable. However, the inverse remains oddly circumscribed. Apparently, for a young man to be attracted to an older woman, it has to be either (a) a fetish or (b) a sugar-mummy. Well, I have fallen prey to neither and am in a relationship with a beautiful, engaging and funny woman.

I get puzzled looks whenever it comes up and a few of my friends seem genuinely amazed I could choose that way. There’s no doubt there is a lingering feeling among a few of them that I’ve left myself an uphill task if I want children. This is not entirely unreasonable, of course.

What is unreasonable, however, is society’s response at large: older women with younger men are portrayed as lusty harridans or tired old biddies looking to boost their self-esteem. This may be true of some, but is clearly not true of all. I know I’m not alone and this trend will continue, as more women grow in confidence even as they reach middle age, backed by a good education and a strong career.

Out of all those differences in our relationship, we definitely agree on something: freedom. Freedom to choose for yourself and freedom to make your own mistakes, if that’s what they are. As Oscar Wilde said: “I like men who have a future, and women who have a past.”